Yay! Marquita Hamilton is back with another beautifully written and encouraging post. Missed her first one? You can check it out here.
I don’t know about you, but personally, I hate processes.
At least as they relate to “getting my life together.”
I want whatever needs fixing to be immediately fixed as soon as I recognize it’s broken. I honestly (though unrealistically) believe it should be fixed just because I decided it’s time for it to be fixed.
Isn’t that enough?
The truthful answer is, “no.” It isn’t enough. We are not allowed to be spectators in our healing and growth. We must be active participants. This is particularly true when we begin the process of healing from trauma.
Wouldn’t it be great if our minds and emotions worked just the same as our bodies?
When we are hurt physically our wonderful brain automatically and immediately begins the process of organizing the various cells, hormones, and chemical processes that are needed for our physical comfort and healing to begin. When we have a scratch or cut, we don’t have to think about the blood stopping or a scab forming. The torn flesh beneath is reformed, and the damage is repaired. Development, healing, or positive change are not autonomic processes; meaning, they don’t just happen.
I am really good at what I call “shrinking myself.”
I can sit in my head and figure out where the knots and “nots” are, I can figure out how and where I got off track. I’m really good at identifying (after the fact, of course) what triggered a cycle or pattern of behavior. I feel happy and proud of myself for being able to do that. It makes me feel “smart” to be able to figure those things out. But what I’ve learned recently is that I’m not so good at is the most important part: the follow through.
I see the knot, but don’t take the action to untangle it.
I see the “not” and don’t do what’s necessary to make it an “is.”
I identify the trigger, but don’t set proper boundaries to avoid it in the future.
The term for that is “analysis paralysis”. It is a helpful term introduced to me by a super smart sister friend. It basically means I get stuck in thought mode and can’t move forward.
It’s easy there in thought land.
I don’t have to take any real actions because “I’m figuring it out. I’m working it out.” Isn’t that mature and responsible?
Maybe. Maybe not.