From my personal experience and the experience of so many of my clients, we often find ourselves on two different sides of the spectrum: “Push” or “Puddle” (though for a few of us the puddle phase is very cleverly disguised).
Push: The place that seems to be the “norm” for us, where you’re doing all the things, being nice to all the people, saving the environment, getting tenure, dismantling racism and planning the perfect Monster Truck themed birthday party for your 4 year old. Fun.
Puddle: The place where you can’t. For any of it. Maybe you see the warning signs and try quick fixes like that second cup of coffee or the face mask you bought three months ago (because self care). Maybe you’re beyond that; your body has quit on you without warning, your energy is nowhere to be found, you’re snapping at kids and co-workers way more than you like to admit and you’re desperately looking at your calendar for ANYTHING that can be moved.
Depending on which side of the spectrum you’re on, you’re likely looking for one version of my story or another.
If you’re looking for my street cred (can you say push?), here it is:
PhD in Childhood Studies, MA in Educational Ministry, BA in Elementary Education, Certified Martha Beck Life Coach, Certified Racial Justice from the Heart Facilitator, Certified Qoya Teacher, Certified VITA™Sex, Love and Relationship Coach, Certified Academic Life Coach, successfully completed Tara Mohr’s Playing Big Facilitator training, Future Writing™ Facilitator-in-Training, Women’s Empowerment and Female Sexuality Coach in Training, Racial Equity and Belonging consultant (in partnership with BIPOC partners), author of the forthcoming book, Feel Better, Do Better: A Guide for People who Want to Change the World, but Sometimes Have Trouble Making it to Lunch. Former teacher, childcare director, executive director and college professor.
If you’re looking for evidence that I’m capable of helping you off the floor (puddle) and that I get it:
I know puddle well which is why my process (and all of the experience listed above) is rooted in creating a container. A container that has endless space for all of your parts (yes, even the parts of you that you keep silent and hidden, sometimes by bribing them with ice cream). A space that feels as if it was made just for you (which it was). Just so you could get all the rest you need in this moment, all the love you need in this moment, all the nourishment you need in this moment. All the space to breathe. All of it.
The sweet spot we’re looking for here is somewhere between Push and Puddle. Yes, I will hold you through the crash when burnout is in full effect, but I won’t let you fan the flames that caused the burnout to begin with. There will be perspective, but there will also be action. There will be introspection, but there will also be change.
Consider me like your favorite sweet and spicy chicken taco…relatable, bringing everything you need to be nourished, with just the right amount of kick that gets you to the root of what matters (because frankly, we all need a little of all of that).
And fresh guacamole, of course, or extra cheese, or both. Because always, always there must be something decadent thrown in to satisfy the hidden rebel in you.
What makes this guac so EXTRA?
I’m an “on paper” Karen/Becky/Debbie: White, European American, cis-gender, able-bodied, middle-class, heterosexual wife of 25+ years. And I’ve spent a lot of time and money to learn and understand what those privileged identities truly entail (and why it all felt so damn shameful). To ensure not only that I am not contributing to the harm being done, but that those identities are used to hold a container that’s safe enough for those who have been taught their experiences must be censored or curated.
Wife of a kick-ass, Philly raised, Alpha Phi Alpha who uses his finance and business building skills to diversify the workforce and build up the infrastructure of every organization he works for. I’m on a mission to become the primary breadwinner in our family, so he can galavant around the globe with our sons, donate his time where it’s needed, and build a house on the African continent like he wants to.
Unapologetic spiritual mystic who listens to trees and believes there are forces of love at work that I can’t see; my favorite vacation is usually some kind of retreat, but I also geek out on history, love me a good Old-Fashioned and am a fan of a number of words that could require washing ones mouth out with soap.
Lover of saying the “scary thing” out loud, que the moment I realized it's okay to have moments where you don’t totally love being a mom (and dare I say, even hate it).
Though I no longer identify as a Christian, my roots lie in that tradition and I respect those who still love it (one of whom is my husband). So whether you’re a totally committed Christian, not at all interested in any religion, love your oracle cards and crystals, or believe we all landed here thanks to a spiritual entity you refer to as “Bob”, I’ve got you.
HSP (highly sensitive person) who wants to change the world, but sometimes has trouble just handling the noise of life. I’ve learned to care for myself so that the depression, anxiety and compulsive eating that used to be my constant companions only come for brief visits now, and always leave a lovely hostess gift.
Lover of deep conversations. In fact, if you hang with me regularly you’re probably always in the corner of the party deeply discussing that book you’re reading or what we’re listening to while the rest of the guests fade into the background.
Late-in-life lover of movement, dance and this collection of flesh and bones I call my body. Don’t think that’s possible for you? I went to a college where dancing and sex were forbidden, and started wearing a girdle at age 15 to hide my unacceptably large thighs. If I can learn to love this beautiful container for my soul, so can you.