Posts in Especially for Moms
Playing in Pursuit of Serious Stuff

When you can’t go forward and you can’t go backward

 and you can’t stay where you are

without killing off what is deep and vital in yourself,

you are on the edge of creation

Sue Monk Kidd 

I don’t know about you, but I sense that I am on this edge of creation.  And I have a gut feeling that learning more about how to play in pursuit of really serious stuff is part of the new thing that needs creating.  Can’t say it makes sense yet, but that’s often the way it goes when we’re creating something new.

As an educator, educator-in-training, or a mom, I’m guessing you are an advocate of play in some way shape or form. 

Maybe your support of play is very personal and private.  You’ve invested in purchasing toys for your children to enhance their play.  You’ve added some Legos to your classroom or 15 minutes of free play to the daily schedule.  You’ve played Candyland or Legos or tea parties for the 97th time because your child wanted to.  Maybe you invest a lot in supporting your child’s love of lacrosse, or dance, or music, or photography.  Maybe you plan indoor recess when outdoor recess is cancelled.

Or maybe your support of play is a bit bigger.  You’ve volunteered at a local park to clean up the space or donated to an organization that builds playgrounds in underserved communities.  You’ve have created active play-centered lessons in your classroom even though you know you could get in trouble for deviating from the standard curriculum.  Maybe you’ve gone to the school board to fight for more recess time in your district.  Maybe you led a toy drive for the local homeless shelter.

If you’re anything like me you are all on board with the idea that children need to play, but do you think that play is an actual need for adults?

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Especially for Educators, Especially for MomsDeb Shine ValentinePlay, social justiceComment
If you are hurting and confused right now, try this

This has been a stunning and deeply painful week for me, and I imagine for many (though perhaps not all) of you.  I spent yesterday and much of the night before in shock and sobbing intermittently.  If you did too, I hope I can offer a virtual hug and a bit of healing and hope in my small way.  

Side note:  If you are politically conservative or just didn’t think much about this election, and are genuinely confused about why people are so upset, send me a private message or check out my Facebook page and I’ll do my best to help you understand the grief and fear. I am not here to judge you.  I have conservative friends and family and I know many are struggling to understand the level of grief being expressed.

This summer when so many Black people were killed at the hands of police—and so many white people just couldn’t believe that it had anything to do with racism—I was devastated, like I am now.  The pain felt too great to bear.  I couldn’t stop crying.  I was getting ready to start this blog and I remember saying to my husband, “I actually don’t know how to Thrive for Equity.” 

We self-help types, we create what we need for ourselves. 

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Especially for Educators, Especially for MomsDeb Shine Valentinesocial justice, self-care Comments
Need to do more in a day? Multiply your spoons.

         I promised we’d talk a bit about spoon theory this week—you can read about the original version on Christine Miserandino’s blog.  She’s an award-winning writer, speaker and blogger who developed “spoon theory” at a diner when a good friend asked her what it’s like to live with Lupus.

Christine grabbed a bunch of spoons to illustrate that living with a chronic disease means that you have a limited amount of energy each day—in her original illustration this was represented by 12 spoons—and you have to make tough decisions about how to use it.  Make breakfast, 1 spoon gone.  Go to class across campus, that’s 3 spoons, grade 10 math tests, another spoon gone.  Pretty soon you’re out of spoons. 

          I imagine you can see how this idea is connected to what I talked to you about last week—about the unreasonable demands we make on ourselves, which is like giving away spoons we don’t have to give.  Christine Miserandino says that sometimes even someone with Lupus can “borrow” a spoon from the future.  So it stands to reason that relatively healthy people can probably live with “spoon debt” for a while, maybe even years, but no one has an infinite amount of spoons. 

         Christine’s spoon theory pretty much has the spoons for the day arriving as you sleep, so you wake up with a certain number each morning (not a bad reminder of the importance of sleep!). But I was introduced to spoon theory through life coach Martha Beck’s October newsletter and she added a new idea to the concept—the idea that some activities can actually GIVE us spoons.  

So if you want to give more than what you actually have to those kids you care so much about, or to your roommate, or to the Black Lives Matter movement, you would do well to figure out which activities might help you to multiply your spoons. 

What the heck does that mean?

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Especially for Moms, Especially for EducatorsDeb Shine Valentineself-care, time, energy Comment
Are You Struggling with Unreasonable Demands?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about unreasonable demands.  I know teachers face a lot of them, especially teachers who work in under-resourced schools. 

You get told that on top of teaching Math, which is what you were hired to do, you also have to teach Freshman Writing. 

Or that even though you’re a student teacher you’re going to be in charge of the class for the rest of the afternoon because there aren’t any subs available. 

Or you need to take charge of the after-school girls’ soccer team or the school won’t be able to have one anymore.  Oh yeah, and there’s no budget for uniforms so could you start by running a fundraiser?

These kinds of demands are very real and figuring out how to manage them is part of what I help teachers to do when we work together.  (If you’re interested you can sign up for a free consult on my home page or keep your eyes out for a new offer I'm working on that will release in the next couple of weeks!). 

But I’m talking about another kind of “unreasonable demand,” the one YOU make on yourself. 

Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, says that often when we don’t give ourselves what we need we become “vexed, angry, out-of-sorts…sullen, depressed, hostile…like cornered animals snarling at or family and friends [or students, or principals or colleagues] to leave us alone and stop making unreasonable demands.”  When in fact, “we are the ones making unreasonable demands.” 

 How? 

Because we expect ourselves to be able to function without giving ourselves what we need to do so. 

Ms. Cameron is talking about artists in her book, but I think it the thought applies equally well to teachers, especially sensitive, empathetic, social-justice oriented ones. 

Does this sound like you?

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Especially for Moms, Especially for EducatorsDeb Shine Valentineteaching, burn out, self-careComment