My Anger is My Personal Trainer
Anger Practice: Move. Breathe. Sound.
Hello Courageous Thrivers,
Lately, when anger arises in me, I’ve been running.
It’s hard. I hate it in many ways—which is perfect for moving anger through.
And I LOVE being in the woods, which is where I go to work through my anger when I can. It makes the whole thing more pleasurable.
One of my one-on-one clients recently sent me a voice message saying she’s enraged—all the time, at everyone.
I sent her a message back that essentially said:
“Great. Let’s listen to the message the anger has for you... and: Move. Breathe. Sound.”
Anger is not a problem. Ever. It’s always a messenger. The problem comes when we either suppress it or let it explode.
If you’re someone who avoids feeling anger or judges yourself as wrong for being angry, I invite you to consider another possibility:
Move.
Breathe.
Sound.
It’s a practice. And it goes like this:
1. Feel the anger in your body.
Don’t focus on the story in your mind. Instead, locate the anger in your body. What does it feel like? A hot fire in your belly? A vibration in your chest? Fist clenching?
2. Breathe deeply into that spot.
Often our instinct is to constrict our breath when we feel anger. Do the opposite. Breathe into it. Emotion—especially anger—is energy that wants to move. Let it.
3. Let your body move.
However it wants to.
Fists want to punch? Punch a pillow—hard, over and over, until they’re done.
Legs want to kick? Kick the air. Go to a kickboxing class.
Legs want to run? Run. Get angry at how uncomfortable running feels—run faster.
And to be clear: I’m not recommending you punch a person or kick a dog. This is about channeling energy in a way that prevents harm—while hearing the message anger is trying to send.
4. Sound.
This can be the hardest part. Depending on your circumstances, you might need to “yell” quietly—but with force—or into a pillow. A parked car is great for this.
If none of that is possible, free-write all the awful things you want to say. But if you can, throw in a good growl or two. Really.
Oppressive systems love to keep good girls, nice boys, good Black people, and respectful immigrants contorted inside boxes of politeness and respectability—boxes that keep us from letting anger move through our bodies.
Because if we don’t move, we stay stuck.
We don’t disrupt the status quo.
Or—we explode. And that doesn’t usually move us closer to the world we want either.
You get to choose how you respond to your anger.
It’s not just repress it or explode.
Feel the anger.
Breathe.
Move.
Sound.
Then act.
After you’ve heard what the anger is here to say—ride the wave of energy so you can get sh*t done.
Today, during my run, I got clarity on a boundary I need to set—and I communicated it.
I also got the idea for this post. And I actually enjoyed writing it.
As I wrote, I imagined all of you unleashing powerful energy as you move, breathe, sound—and honor the gift of your rage.
I’m still unwilling to tolerate the situation that sparked my anger in the first place. That hasn’t changed.
Anger often shows us where we are tolerating something we do not want to tolerate.
And right now? There is a lot happening that should not be tolerated.
But because I moved the anger, I now have the ability to choose how I want to respond. I’m less likely to explode on my loved ones, contribute to the very violence I want to stop, or turn the anger inward and spiral into depression.
I invite you to experiment with this practice. OFTEN.
Feel better by feeling worse.
Do better by being less nice and more true.
Here’s to thriving, and equity,
Deb