Big Work Is Never Solo Work
One of my sons, Josh. One of the reasons I care so deeply about doing this work well. The future is not abstract to me.
Hello Courageous Thrivers,
Discover the gift. Believe in the gift. Learn how to use it.
“Every single being has an amazing unfathomable gift that only meeting life head on will reveal…and we can’t do it alone, so that’s why we need each other. We need each other to discover the gift, to believe in the gift and then to learn how to use it.”
— Mark Nepo
I love this quotation for the three important reminders it contains in two short sentences.
1. You have an amazing, unfathomable gift that the world needs.
You. Yes, you. For sure. I have no doubt about that. It’s just part of being human. And my goodness, whatever it is, we for real need it now.
2. You won’t know or experience the amazingness of your gift without actually doing life.
Just showing up at work or home and going through the motions won’t do it. Though you will likely see a few hints from time to time. You’re going to have to stretch yourself. You’re going to need to do some courageous things. Take some risks. Dream. Hope. Do.
3. And you need other people in your life to help you with all of the above.
That’s pretty much all I want to say to you today. If you’ve got it, you can stop here. If you want to explore that last one a little bit, keep reading.
Because you absolutely do not need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and do it all alone like the American myth of the self-made human tells you that you must.
What Support Actually Looks Like
Here’s an example of what practicing what I preach in relation to this last piece of wisdom looks like for me.
1. It looks like collaborative work with people I love.
The amazing poet Marquita Davis and I have been friends since our now-28-year-olds became friends in 4th or 5th grade. For the past year or so we’ve been co-writing together on Tuesdays. We’ve also done some co-teaching together in different spaces, and she’s one of seven contributors to Feel Better Do Better, the book.
2. It looks like big investments of time and money.
Investments that have led to on-the-ground action steps and ongoing relationships that continue to support me. I’ve paid for a whole lot of courses and groups, coaches and therapists that have supported me through the years. Some investments didn’t get me quite what I was looking for, but all have benefitted me in some way or another.
I’ve also invested a lot of time talking with supportive friends and colleagues and learning from Nature. Lately, I’m investing more time and money in strengthening and nourishing my body because, speaking of collaborators, I want to be able to partner with her for many years to come.
3. It looks like finding support in books and podcasts and music.
This helps to to boost my spirits, spark my imagination, nourish my soul, help me dance. It was hard to drop my Audible subscription, but it feels good not to be supporting Amazon since the company values really don’t align with mine. I’m doing alright with the Libby app and will probably buy from Chirp soon. Haven’t managed to let go of Spotify yet.
4. Many times it’s meant paying for practical help with cleaning or laundry or grocery shopping.
5. And just as often it means being willing to receive help that is offered that I don’t think I deserve.
Sometimes it’s mutually supportive, like the weekly calls I have with friends. Sometimes someone just offers, or I ask, and I get to practice saying thank you and letting the gift of support sink into my heart.
Big Work Is Never Solo Work
This is how you actually do big work in the world, Amazing Ones. You do it with help. Lots and lots of help.
That doesn’t mean you don’t have to be brave. You absolutely do.
It doesn’t mean that you can get away with the excuse that you aren’t doing what you know you’re meant to do in the world because someone else didn’t or doesn’t support you the way you’d like them to.
NOPE.
In that case it’s your job to speak up, stand up, find what you need. Maybe even to do something all by yourself that you thought you couldn’t do alone. You will need to do some things alone. Just not all of them.
It also doesn’t mean you should bankrupt yourself to pay for support. Sometimes a financial investment is required. Sometimes it’s not. In my experience, sometimes I’ve spent money for “support” when what I really needed was creativity and courage. Other times, I’ve spent money that was unreasonable on the surface but exactly what was needed. It takes experimentation and reflection to get good at distinguishing between the two.
It does mean that if you don’t already have the support you need to help you get past the times of confusion, self-doubt, and overwhelm that tend to show up for sensitive-soul world-changers-in-the-making, then job number one for you is to take a step toward finding it.
Because, have I mentioned that WE NEED YOUR GIFT NOW MORE THAN EVER!??
“Every single being has an amazing unfathomable gift that only meeting life head on will reveal…and we can’t do it alone, so that’s why we need each other. We need each other to discover the gift, to believe in the gift and then to learn how to use it.”
You have an amazing, unfathomable gift.
To have a joyful and meaningful life you do need to find it, believe in it, and learn how to use it.
The rest of the world needs what you’ve got to offer. We really do. You matter.
And the support you need to do your work in the world is out there too. What if you experiment with believing that it’s there so your brain gets a chance to help you see it? Because brains like to be right. So if you believe there’s no support available to you, you won’t see it even if it’s right in front of your nose.
If you’d like support thinking through how your unique gift connects to racial equity work, leadership, or courageous action in your sphere of influence, I offer one-off racial equity consultations. They can stand alone, or be credited toward a longer coaching package.
Here’s to thriving, and equity, and figuring it all out together.
Deb
PS: If something in this reflection stirred you, that might be your gift knocking. If you’d like support discovering how it connects to racial equity and the specific work that is yours to do, you can book a one-time Embodied Racial Equity Consultation for $300. And if you’re not sure yet, start with a free clarity call. You don’t have to figure it out alone.