That's Enough. No More.
A reminder that even when the world feels heavy, there are moments of quiet movement, beauty, and belonging that continue to carry us forward.
Hello Courageous Thrivers,
That’s enough.
No more.
Feel like saying, “That’s enough!” lately?
Yeah. Me too.
Enough. No more.
For me, though, it’s not exactly a battle cry. I don’t want any more battles. But I am determined.
It feels like a different kind of “that’s enough!” energy is needed to shift the horrible tide of destruction and harm we are experiencing right now. The kind of force people in Minneapolis have been showing in recent weeks and years.
It’s no less powerful. And it’s not for the faint of heart.
I want to share an image that came to me recently.
I saw a powerful, mystical woman in a forest. Like one of the Elfin queens in Lord of the Rings. She was looking out toward a human city. She could see people yelling, fighting, beating each other down. She could see self-hatred, shame, judgment, and the hunger to be right operating inside them.
She could see how these forces had filled their bodies, hearts, and souls for years. Like sticky tar. Keeping light out. Keeping energy that wants to move and flow stuck and stagnant. Causing sickness. Driving people to lash out in violence in one place and collapse into fear and despair in another.
A Different Kind of Power
In my imagination, her arms began to move in a slow, flowing infinity loop. A black substance followed her movements through the air. It looked like worn fabric, with holes here and there where air could still pass through.
She guided this fabric through the city and through the people. As it moved, it filtered out some of the forces of destruction inside them, catching bits here and there and carrying them away.
I noticed it also left something behind. Small fragments of itself that continued to work on what remained.
Not like cancer, destroying healthy tissue. More like fungi that digest what is already dead or dying and, in doing so, transform the environment into something capable of new life and growth.
Not dramatic. Not loud. Not flashy.
Still, a force that says, “Enough. No more.”
The Practice of Digestion
A few years ago, I heard a South American shaman speak about a practice of spiritual or energetic digestion he had been apprenticing in for years.
He told a story about encountering violent men while guiding a group of tourists. As they spewed fear, hatred, and aggression, he intentionally took that energy into his own body and digested it. He said the men eventually calmed, shared food with the group, and everyone left unharmed.
I have not apprenticed in that practice, and shamanism is not in my ancestral lineage.
But I have begun to think of much of my own work as digestion.
Digesting my shame.
Digesting my commitment to hatred, rejection, and judgment.
Digesting some of our collective shame, hatred, and judgment as a way of life.
I am so tired of seeing how self-hatred, judgment, and rejection steal our joy, energy, and creativity.
I am so tired of watching us lash out at one another because we are exhausted, burned out, and in despair.
I am tired of violence.
Like many of you, I am saying, “Enough. No more.”
Practicing Love That Can Hold It
I am practicing. Learning how to digest violence and dissolve shame inside myself, with my family members, and beyond.
This is not a weak, fearful, or conflict-avoidant path.
It is a path that faces pain and suffering. One that holds despair, rage, and anger. One that engages, without allowing those forces to become the whole story.
Radical self-love, Sonya Renee Taylor calls it.
Pleasure activism, adrienne maree brown calls it.
Rooting justice work in love, Dr. Amanda Kemp (Aminata Sol Plantwalker Firewoman) calls it.
Enough, Beloved One.
No more.
Here are a few places to begin.
Dissolve some body shame.
Choose a part of your body you hate, reject, or ignore. Stand in front of a mirror. Look at it. Touch it. Offer love and appreciation for five minutes. If five is too much, do three. Or one. Repeat daily. Love meets us in the attempts.Humanize the “other side.”
In recent weeks, I have had conversations with people on the red side of the political spectrum. Both led to more connection than separation.One was arranged through Braver Angels. Red-blue dialogues, immigration conversations, rural and urban exchanges. You get to choose what kind. You can sign up to do one yourself here.
The second one was with my appliance repair guy. I wrote about for my Substack Controversial Grace. The title is: It will come out on Sunday. You don’t have to be a big Substack user to get it. Just sign up here and it will show up in your inbox.
Imagine a world without shame, punishment and violence. Because that’s where a new kind of world starts. In our collective imaginations.
This is where I am starting. How about you? Email me and let me know. I’d love to hear.
Deb
Reflection:
Real questions asked by my team:
How can I practice digesting the world’s pain when my own feels so heavy?
I wouldn’t recommend starting with the world. Start with yours and get support. That said, I do find that many sensitive, overwhelmed, big-hearted people decrease depression and gain energy by taking small actions that are aligned with their values. It’s counter-intuitive but it can really help. I recently read an article sent to me by Ali Michael after a session of a course I’m taking called Training for Courage (which in itself is an example of how I’m getting support). It talked about how, when you tend towards collapse in the face of suffering, what you want to learn is to practice grounded presence. The author, Paul Shattuck, suggested that one “tiny move” strategy is to set a 15-minute news timer and then take one small, values-aligned action. I’d add a few minutes of breathing, dancing, or putting your legs up a wall in between news and action. And make sure the action feels right-sized, which probably means it will feel too tiny to matter. Do it anyway and call it good.
How can I hold love for others and conversations when I’m so disgusted by the lack of humanity I witness?
I don’t know for sure.. Maybe you can’t - yet. But the question I ask myself is, if I want them to humanize me and others, but I don’t humanize them, how does the cycle stop? And when I ask that question, I keep coming back to the need to find a way to love and to disagree with respect. I see it as a muscle we need to exercise, starting with small “weights” and whatever support we need to learn to do it effectively.
So, if you end up convinced that it’s what you need to do, even if you don’t feel able, then the next question is what support do you need to start strengthening your capacity to hold this kind of space. You might be inspired by Bryan Stevenson’s book Just Mercy or take a training on nonviolent communication. You might need to connect with a friend so they can support you before you have a conversation and help you debrief afterwards.
Do you have a mantra or a favorite quote I can hold to help me remember this?
From Bryan Stevenson: Each of us is more than the worst thing we've ever done.
How do I humanize when we witness so many atrocities?
One strategy is to limit what you watch. Not so much that you don’t know what’s happening, but so that you aren’t taking in visual images that you then can’t shake. For example, I chose not to watch videos of either of the recent murders in Minneapolis. I know enough about what happened to take the actions that are mine to take. I don’t need to see them too.
Another key piece is to keep coming back to my own many errors and imperfections. How am I being violent? How am I allowing my emotions to cloud my judgement? Where am I judging myself and others harshly? Where am I unwilling to listen? Where have I made big mistakes that hurt other people? When I see these places where I need to forgive myself, it opens some space for me to recognize the humanity in people who are committing horrible acts.
None of this means I’m not angry, or that I think we should just sit home and meditate. I see a big need for both direct action and intervention, and doing the internal work needed to dissolve shame, fear, judgement and violence from the inside, so we can build new possibilities.