We’ve Got This
Hello Courageous Thrivers,
You know what?
We’ve got this.
This intense time in the world. Sudden deaths of loved ones. Broken government.
Actions of violent force. Removal of basic rights and services.
Watching helplessly as other loved ones walk a path of suffering and danger we wish they wouldn’t choose.
Broken hearts.
Packing kids’ lunches and doing 9,000 loads of laundry every damn day.
Harsh self-criticism on repeat in our unruly minds.
All of it.
It is not too much for us. We are here for this moment.
We are here to share what we have to share. To expand Love.
The mushy kind. The sexy kind. The playful kind. The silly kind.
And yes, absolutely, the courageous kind.
AND
To do so for the long haul that is ahead of us, we ABSOLUTELY MUST be energetically, emotionally, and spiritually NOURISHED and PROTECTED.
What are some signs that you're not nourished or protected at the level you need to be to do what’s yours to do in this moment?
You feel a heaviness that’s hard to shake, even when the objective truth is that you are physically safe, have enough to eat and drink, and keep a roof over your head — even when you know there is at least one person on this Earth who loves you.
You feel unreasonably exhausted after interactions with family members, or after a day at work, or maybe just from a trip to the grocery store — even if you’ve eaten well and had a good night’s sleep.
There’s a deep sadness that arises and catches you off guard at inopportune moments, and when it does, it feels as if you’ve tapped into a chasm of pain and suffering that takes over your day.
You feel guilty that you’re not doing more, even though you know you are more privileged and less at risk than many others — but when you start thinking about what you should be doing, the heaviness and overwhelm just increase.
If this sounds like you, read on.
I’m going to share some wisdom I gleaned from attending Together in Detroit with Simone Grace Seol and Rashida Bonds.
It will help.
Words of Wisdom from the Delightful City of Detroit
Word of Wisdom #1: “You were already worthy when you stepped off the elevator.” – Rashida Bonds
Unworthiness is an epidemic among privileged women — especially among those whose brains tend toward rumination (ADHD among them), and those who are Highly Sensitive, Empaths, Enneagram 2s or 4s, or in some other way more emotionally and energetically unguarded than the average human.
It doesn’t serve us.
And it doesn’t help us serve the world.
Experiment with believing Rashida — and acting as you would if you already knew you were worthy, valuable, and not in need of proving or fixing anything.
Ask & Act: From this place of worthiness and “there’s no way to do it wrong,” what is your next tiny action? Do it.
Word of Wisdom #2: You can learn how to deeply feel suffering and maintain hope
(even if you’re an HSP and an Empath with ADHD and had parents who made you feel like sht)*
We can feel big sorrow, rage, and grief and carry hope at the same time.
Simone shared that in Korean there is a word, Han, that carries within its meaning this richness of presence with deep suffering and the emotions that arise in response to it.
No spiritual bypassing. No avoiding the pain. You’re in it.
BUT ALSO, there is hope woven through. Small glimmers, perhaps — but it’s there.
That word names what I’m practicing these days:
Getting strong enough to welcome the pain of life instead of avoiding it — and to maintain my connection to hope.
This is both an individual and collective practice.
Daily nourishment and protection are crucial.
And we lament and find hope TOGETHER.
Gather: Where and with whom can you connect to share life’s griefs and celebrate life’s joys? Reach out. Show up.
Word of Wisdom #3: Do what you can with what you have available now.
Don’t wait until you have all the ingredients to create a metaphorical gourmet meal to serve to someone who is starving.
Grab the peanut butter from your pantry and offer it NOW.
Simone calls this “The Pantry Method,” and we practiced it at Together in Detroit in real time — in both activism and business.
One of my 5-minute “peanut butter” activism steps was to google organizations in Baltimore that support Trans people — so I would be more aware of what’s already happening that I might plug into, in small ways.
I had time left, so I made a $25 donation.
NOTE: If I had required myself to be ready to join an organization and commit to regularly volunteering so that I could stop violence against trans people in my city — I would have gotten nothing done.
Yes to big vision — but no to big vision getting in the way of a next step.
Taking the next step of service to offer what you have in abundance to someone who needs it is, paradoxically, nourishing for your soul as well as for whoever it is who is starving for what you have to offer.
(Note that I didn’t say sacrifice what you need to give to another; that’s not sustainable — and this is a long game we’re playing, remember?)
Brainstorm Your Five Minutes of Service
Notice areas where you are filled up and want to share that resource with others.
Maybe it’s financial.
Maybe it’s zucchini.
Maybe it’s love and delight for trees.
Maybe you have energy to share. Or a couch someone could come sit on for a chat.
Write down three ideas. Do one of them.
Hit reply and let me know what you tried and how it felt. I’d love to hear.
Here’s to thriving and equity,
Deb