Has A Friend Ever Broken Your Heart?
Dear Thrivers,
This week I saw a friend who has broken my heart.
I am glad I did because the truth is that I want to live in love and I know that I do still love them.
And also I am seeking to love myself. There has been trust broken. Boundaries crossed again and again despite my clear "nos." There's been gaslighting and what feels to me like insincerity.
Of course, there are other perspectives. I'm sure that their perspective is different from mine.
But as I woke after this weekend of entering into love and loss, I saw this poem/prayer in an Instagram post and it so beautifully expressed my heart.
"I am not yet ready for my heart to soften. I am not yet ready to be vulnerable again."
"Yes." my heart said as it poured through the tears coming from my eyes. "Yes. That is what is true in this moment."
One day I will be ready.
Because I know that is the path of Love and Love is leading me.
But today my answer is "not yet." And I honor it.
Perhaps you have a place in your life where you know that you too are in the place of the prayer before the prayer. Let's walk the path together.
Prayer before the prayer by Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu
I want to be willing to let go, to forgive.
But dare not ask for the will to forgive,
in case you give it to me
And I am not yet ready.
I am not yet ready for my heart to soften.
I am not yet ready to be vulnerable again.
Not yet ready to see that there is humanity in my tormentor’s eyes
Or that the one who hurt me may also have cried
I am not yet ready for the journey.
I am not yet interested in the path
I am at the prayer before the prayer of forgiveness
Grant me the will to want to forgive.
Grant it to me not yet but soon
Can I even form the words?
Forgive me? Dare I event look?
Do I dare to see the hurt I have caused:
I can glimpse all the shattered pieces of that fragile thing
That soul trying to rise on the broken wings of hope
But only out of the corner of my eye.
I am afraid of it.
And if I am afraid to see
How can I not be afraid to say: Forgive me?
Is there a place where we can meet?
You and me
The place in the middle where we straddle the lines
Where you are right and I am right too.
And both of us are wrong and wronged
Can we meet there?
And look for the place where the path begins
The path that ends when we forgive.
Posted by Marie Bloomfield
www.bloomfieldpsychology.com.au
From The Book of Forgiveness
In addition to the candle lighting there was a walk by a creek, dancing, latkes and dreidels and the incredible delight of the music of the Maccabeats. I dare you to watch them without smiling! More proof that you can be any crazy combo of things you want to be.