Ya’ll my Inner Mean Lunch Lady is screaming SO LOUD.

Well, I don’t actually have an Inner Mean Lunch Lady . . .If you’ve read Feel Better. Do Better. you know that this is a reference to Marquita Davis’ laugh-out-loud essay which you can find in Chapter 3.

But I do have an Inner Critic — or a team of them — and my goodness have they been vocal these past few days!

Can you relate?

If not, please feel free to go on with your day.

Meet me here next week when I’ll be waxing poetic on some other topic.

But if you know what I’m talking about, I’ve got a couple ideas to share that might help you to recognize your Inner Critic and learn how to quiet it. Or at least move forward towards your dreams despite its protestations.

The thing is, we often mistake the Inner Critic for common sense.

Or we think that it comes from our irreparably damaged selves and will never be able to do what we want to do or create the life we want to create because we are so broken.

But that harsh voice is neither common sense nor You.

That harsh inner voice in your head that repeats the same messages over and over again . . . messages like, “This is impossible. You’re a failure. You’re doing it wrong. You’re too fat/stupid/bad at math to do X" etc. It’s just trying to keep you safe.

Safe as in . . . RIGHT. WHERE. YOU. ARE.

It’s not malicious. It’s just misinformed.

Now if you’re cool right where you are this isn’t a problem.

But if you, like me, want to see some changes up in here. Like for instance:

You want to learn how to thrive financially instead of living paycheck to paycheck.

Or leave your job and do what you really love.

Or actually help to free some prisoners who shouldn’t have been put in jail in the first place.

Or learn how to give yourself an orgasm.

Or learn how to relax, open up and enjoy the love and beauty of your family.

Or something else.

Well then, your Inner Critic is not the voice you want to follow.

I was talking with a client the other day about this challenge and reminding her (and myself) that an important first step in moving towards your dreams is to recognize the Inner Critic's voice when it shows up.

Here are a couple ways you can do that:

Notice if the voice is making an absolute pronouncement vs. looking for solutions.

Ex: “This is impossible!” vs. “This is hard, how can I find the help I need to get it done?”

If you’re making pronouncements and not looking for solutions, your Inner Critic is running the show.

Notice if you hear the same critical or doom-predicting thoughts on a regular basis.

Ex. One of my clients consistently hears “I’m a failure. This isn’t worth it. I’m never going to finish.” Another hears “I’m stupid. I don’t belong.” My voice likes to say, “This is impossible. I’m doing it wrong. I’m all alone.”

When you hear that old familiar tape in your head, it’s a pretty sure sign that your Inner Critic is trying to get your attention.

Look for the one-two punch.

Ever try to do a task and end up distracted? You avoid it because it feels too hard and then a few hours later you’re beating yourself up for not doing it? That’s the one-two punch. First your IC convinces you not to do the thing, then berates you for not doing the thing. It's a stealthy move that keeps you safely confined in the world of “not doing the thing.”

So if you notice any of the above, you can be quite sure that the voice in your head — LOUD AS IT MAY BE BECAUSE IT CAN BE VERY LOUD — is not you.

Okay, so perhaps you noticed one or more of the above is showing up for you . . .

Now what?

Well, for starters, you can give yourself a little breathing room just by changing the way you talk.

Instead of saying to yourself “I’m a failure." - or whatever your usual tape says to you. Say (preferably out loud) “My Inner Critic thinks I’m a failure.”

Yeah. It's simple. It seems too simple even to try. I know.

But in my experience it make a big difference just to notice that the voice isn't YOU. It gives space for the possibility that perhaps the pronouncement it's making isn't God's Truth.

And that diminishes it's power.

But don’t take my word for it, try it and see if it helps!

And if you want more tips – and the chance to practice with support which is SO much easier than going it alone— join me and Marquita on Saturday for a pop-up virtual book event. You can sign up here!

In the meantime, I’m turning down the volume on my IC (another tip) and taking another step towards my dreams.

What are you stepping towards right now?

I’d love to hear about it. Hit reply and your response will come directly to me!

Here’s to thriving and equity, big dreams and small steps,

Deb

We had our very first book event on Saturday at the lovely Melissa Stoner’s house in Philly. There was a round of spontaneous applause when Marquita finished reading her essay. If you want to have that delightful experience, please join us Saturday!

My Inner Mean Lunch Lady Is Screaming SO LOUD