I actually NEED chocolate and wine
Hello Thrivers,
I’m sure you all have been waiting on pins and needles to see whether I was chosen for jury duty, so I shall put you out of your misery now.
I was not! Yay! I am so, so grateful and relieved.
I shared with you that one of the reasons why I didn’t want to serve right now was that I’m in the middle of a couple of 28-day commitments and I really wanted to be able to focus on them — alongside spreading the word about the free or $15 Financial Thriving Series which will not only help you to feel better about your money in whatever ways you most want to but will also give you a taste of what the amazing new Feel Better. Do Better. Group program will be like.
A tantalizing taster, you might say, like what you sometimes get at Costco or Whole Foods or when you’re considering a glass of wine and the server offers to give you a taste first. I don’t know about you, but I LOVE to taste before I buy.
Anyway, speaking of tasting and wine, I am missing both right about now because the second commitment I’ve made is to participate in a program that my colleague, friend, and acupuncturist Martha Rogers of Full Moon Acupuncture and Apothecary created.
It’s called Renewal.
When I signed up for it, I didn’t realize that we were going to spend time eliminating most — well honestly, ALL — of my favorite comfort foods as part of an invitation to find deep nourishment. I spent a good 24 hours feeling terrified and angry after I signed up.
How the F was I going to survive life without my small daily boosts?
I emerged out of a long struggle with compulsive overeating and body hatred about 30 years ago, so my eating habits look pretty good from the outside, but clearly I still have some strong attachments to the ones that remain in service of my emotions rather than my physical needs.
But I also knew that I’d felt the nudge towards “renewal.” So, I decided to stick with it.
Martha is quick to remind us that we are not “detoxing” – this program is about nourishment – of body, mind and soul.
Yes, I desire the freedom to be nourished by sharing a meal with friends without requiring a glass of wine because just being with them is enough to fill my heart. So I am taking a break from alcohol.
I desire the ability to wake up in the morning with energy and delight without reaching for simple carbs or caffeine to help. So I'm taking a break from both.
But more than that I desire to be more in tune with the amazing creature that is my body, to care for my kidneys, and liver, and stomach, and all the parts that allow me to be and move and think and do and be all the things. Because I am so grateful to be here on this amazing earth in a body. In this body that I have.
I wasn’t always this grateful to be on this earth.
I wasn’t always so grateful to be in this particular physical form.
And if you know what I mean, I want you to know that it is possible to change your experience of life and your relationship with your body. I’m living proof.
But we don’t make these changes alone, which is why I joined Renewal. I knew I needed support to make the changes I wanted to make deep down inside.
So, I’m doing the tech fasts and meditations and nature wanders and grocery shopping and cooking (which, if you watched me on Cooking in France you know that cooking is not exactly a natural joy for me —yet— so that’s a big investment). I’m slowing down and reflecting on the journey as I let go of what doesn’t serve me to make space for what does.
A couple of weeks in, what I’m finding is that my body feels better, less itchy, less achy. My digestive system is happier. After a few days of feeling extra tired, I have more energy and I am sleeping better.
Emotionally I’m feeling “worse.”
That is, I feel angry, pouty, whiney, sad — a lot of uncomfortable feelings.
Two weeks in, having made no exceptions, I haven’t lost my desire for my favorite comfort foods. And the fact that I feel better physically without them indicates that I will need to continue to avoid them or decrease my intake of some of them – which just pisses me off even more
And also . . .
I can see how this time off from filling my mouth and stomach with things that help me feel better emotionally (at least temporarily) is revealing real issues I can take steps to solve because I’m not numbing them.
That’s the gift.
You see it’s actually true that I can’t live my life without chocolate and delicious meals out at restaurants and good red wine.
That is, I can’t go on living the life I’m living.
My current life requires boosts from outside of me.
In order for me to tolerate the ways that I’m not caring for myself.
In order for me to continue to avoid difficult conversations or decisions.
In order for me to avoid setting boundaries I need to set.
Can you relate?
It’s a little crazy, isn’t it? We get so afraid of feeling big feelings that we actually cut ourselves off from all the amazing information and motivation that they offer us.
Inspiration and motivation that can move us in the direction of the life we ACTUALLY long for.
Since I chose not to go to the coffee shop to get a morning bun today and instead went inward, did some meditative breathing, and searched to find what was underneath my pouty anger, I was able to see that I really need a weekend alone with my husband.
So, I just made that happen.
What’s your favorite way to numb big feelings?
Maybe it's shopping, or working, or food or criticizing other people, or trying to fix their problems, or some combo of all of these.
I’m not telling you that you have to let it go. You’re in charge of your own life and it may or may not be the right time for that.
But I do want to invite you to look underneath for the uncomfortable feeling, and under that feeling for the need, desire, longing or ungrieved loss that you are numbing.
And see what you can do to meet yourself there.
Because your Life is waiting for you. And those uncomfortable emotions are trying to help you find it.
Here’s to thriving and equity, joy and justice,
Deb
P.S. It’s not too late tosign up for the Free or $15 Financial Thriving Series! We had a delightful time Tuesday night trying on some new futures, noticing (with compassion) the sneaky ways our subconscious mind can sneak in to convince us not to even IMAGINE what we want. Feeling the power of the process and choosing action steps. Tonight at 7 pm Eastern,we're focusing on money shame. And you'll leave the session equipped with tools to move past it and towards what you desire.
P.P.S. Want more support for feeling those big, scary, uncomfortable feelings, so they stop getting in the way of you living your life the way you really want to?
Here are some options:
Go outside and put your hands on a tree, preferably a big old one. Imagine sharing your big feelings through your hands, asking for help and sending what feels overwhelming into that big sturdy Grandmother’s trunk and letting her take it down through her massive root system into the Earth. Mother Earth can hold a whole lot and she’s so good at transforming death into new life (thank you fungi!).
COME TO TONIGHT'S SESSION with Marquita Davis and me. (Yes, I know I just brought this up but tonight's session is going to be so good, it's worth me bringing it up again and again.) It starts at 7 but if you missed it, sign up anyway and you’ll get the recording and be registered for the final workshop in the series, which is on Sunday, Feb. 5.
Sign up for a Clarity Call with me to explore whether you want more long term, focused support from me. I’d love to help you get clear on what you want, what’s in the way, and whether anything I offer is a good fit for you. If not, I’ll share other thoughts/resources that might support you. Either way, you’re always in charge of your decision.
4. Buy Feel Better. Do Better (the book). Chapter 4 walks you through a process that will help you develop a new relationship with challenging emotions.
*SAVE THE DATES*
In-Person Event
In Philly and want to join Marquita Davis and me IN PERSON at 2:00 pm on Saturday, Feb. 4 for a book signing event?
You’ll laugh out loud when you hear Marquita read her essay about her Inner Mean Lunch Lady and learn some new ways to quiet the critical voices in your head too!
The event is being hosted by our friend Mimi. Hit reply to let us know you want to come and we’ll let you know where to show up!